How to Get Over Wanting a Perfect Marriage Marriage is messy. Ours has been very messy, but we found the deepest love developed in our biggest struggles. Through our discoveries, we grew up and learned to practice connection. Money, status, and things did not bring us happiness. Buying the nice house, getting good jobs, having more money, and finding the best schools for our kids did not improve our marriage. We turned the pursuit of stuff into a quest for certainty and security. The trouble is that our pursuit of the American Dream/fantasy put us on the performance treadmill. After years of pleasing, perfecting, performing, and, many times, hustling to get it right, we've come to the conclusion that we are enough.