Four years ago Colton Haynes woke up in a hospital. He'd had two seizures, lost the sight in one eye, almost ruptured a kidney, and been put on an involuntary psychiatry hold. By sixteen he had been signed by the world's top modeling agency; his face appeared on billboards, but he was still a lonely, confused teenager, surrounded by people telling him he could be a star as long as he never let anyone see his true, gay self. As his career in television took off, the stress of wearing masks and trying to please people turned his use of drugs and alcohol into full-blown addiction. His brutally hones memoir tells of dreams deferred and dreams fulfilled; of a family torn apart and rebuilt; and of a man stepping into the light as no one but himself.