Oh Miriam! -- Hello -- Getting to know you -- When did you have your first fuck? -- How not to play Grandmother's footsteps -- What you really learn at school -- Breast is best -- Teenage kicks -- How to make friends...and keep them -- Always talk about sex -- Don't drop the forceps -- Try everything once -- Bad habits -- Crime does pay -- Know thyself -- Swearing is good for you -- Never steal thunder -- Always expect the unexpected -- The joy of bottoms -- Be true to yourself -- Always be a cunt -- Be kind -- Then be kinder -- Bring me sunshine -- I won't have it! -- The importance of being a character -- Don't let the bastards get you down -- Adventures in heavy petting -- Are you a Catholic Jew or a Protestant Jew? -- Beauty is in the eye of the beholder -- Family matters -- Believe in yourself -- How to stay married -- Face your whiskers -- Be a fan -- Sofa so good -- How to be woke when you're eighty-two -- Better out than in -- Find your happy place -- Why life is like cheesecake -- How to be in Vogue -- The well, well, well of loneliness.