A few questions readers might have, before we get started -- Should I punch my friend in the face for no reason? -- Should I let this runaway trolley I'm driving kill five people, or should I pull a lever and deliberately kill one (different) person? -- Should I lie and tell my friend I like her ugly shirt? -- Do I have to return my shopping cart to the shopping cart rack thingy? I mean... it's all the way over there -- Should I run into a burning building and try to save everyone trapped inside? -- I just did something unselfish, but what's in it for me?! -- Yes, I bumped into your car, but do you even care about hurricane Katrina?! -- We've done some good deeds, and given a bunch of money to charity, and we're generally really nice and morally upstanding people, so can we take three of these free cheese samples from the cheese sample plate at the supermarket even though it clearly says "one per customer"? -- Oh, you bought a new iPhone? That's cool, did you know that millions of people are starving in South Asia?! -- This sandwich is morally problematic, but it's also delicious, can I still eat it? -- Making ethical decisions is hard, can we just... not make them? -- I gave a twenty-seven-cent tip to my barista, and now everyone's yelling at me on Twitter, just because I'm a billionaire! I can't even enjoy the soft-shell crab rolls that my sushi chef made for my private dirigible trip to the Dutch Antilles! How is that fair?! -- I screwed up, do I have to say I'm sorry? -- Coda: Okay, kids, what have we learned?.